the audacity to think i have something to say

Well, here goes. My first post.

WHY AM I SCARED. I'm scared but excited. But mostly scared.

If you're judging me for thinking I have anything important to share, you're not alone. I'm judging me, too.

Moreover, though, I'm telling myself to push through my fear, embarrassment, and cringey-ness. I don't know why exactly, besides a feeling — a hope, maybe.

The funny thing is I don't really know what I have to say, but that doesn't mean it isn't there. I once had a therapist tell me I was like an undercurrent — you wouldn't know on the surface, but underneath I had a lot swirling in my mind. (If that therapist is reading this now, hi. 😅)

And I feel it. Only now, it's like an ocean wave swelling inside me.

What good can come from this? I don't know. At the very least, I hope to get in better touch with myself and feel ... seen? For so long, I've been in the habit of shoving my thoughts down. Sequestering my needs. Silencing my opinions. Making myself small.

It would make sense, then, that this feels so uncomfortable.

And it's all the more reason why it feels important.

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